reason is the reason

I just got here two days ago. I got here, um, today’s Thursday, I got here Tuesday, and I cannot tell you how impressed I am with those really fat straws. We went out to dinner and ordered some drinks and the straws were, we could barely fit ‘em in our mouth. That big around.

So I did that, and I went to the Makati Cinema Square, which I think of as the mall with cancer. You could see it while you’re walking, and you feel like a doctor who’s doing a biopsy, you’re walking around thinking the cancer’s here somewhere, it’s actually three floors down in the bingo parlor, that’s the tumor.

And then today, I went to a taping of Wowowee. And I don’t understand it. You don’t really need to… I get everything I really understand, desperately poor people groping for money. So there were people, lots of people from the Philippines just moved to America and they came back, (unintelligible – sounds like “and we all have that money, and then they came and took that money from us like a sponge, all that money.”) On regular game shows, like Jeopardy, people know that they’re going to win money, but they don’t see it. Here there’s like, a big mound of (unintelligible – sounds like “breathing”) money. And the audience goes wild. And then they have (unintelligible) who compete for money, some of them (unintelligible) and some of them (unintelligible) and it was just… great.

I did a wonderful thing today, when you go to another country, I mean, that is something (unintelligible) But this is better because it was something I didn’t even know about. Then I met a reporter who says, “Oh, I work for that station, you should go there and watch a taping.” And during that there was a portion, there was a point where I say, (unintelligible – sounds like “give our own money”).

What else here? Um, oh, I watched a cockfight on television last night, and just when I turned it on, there was a rooster and it had both of its eyes poked out, and the announcer said that “that was a very punishing mistake for Romeo.”

Oh, and have you ever been to the store called the Badminton Hub? There’s a mall, the Greenbelt Mall, and there’s a store there called the Badminton Hub. I really love the names of the stores, names of stores in the malls, but all the flip-flops in the store called the Badminton Hub are jewel-lined. And then there’s Ice Master? Ice Monster? I don’t know, do they make ice? I don’t know, I just like the name, Ice Monster.

I have had a pica-pica platter. I haven’t met anyone named Ding-Dong, but I’m dying to.

And then, I was in Hong Kong the other day, a lot of people tell me things, but I’m so happy to be told things like this. I’m not sure if this is true, but if it isn’t true, don’t tell me about it. There’s this place in China where you feed a dog rice, and then you cut into the dog’s stomach and you eat the rice. I don’t know why you just can’t get it to throw up. That’s the humane way (unintelligible), get the dog to throw it up so you can eat the rice. Anyone ever been to Hong Kong? Isn’t it great?

And then I’m going to Tokyo after this. Anyone ever been to Tokyo? My understanding of Tokyo is that no one speaks a word of English. So you have to be prepared. So, “Watashi wa Amerika-jin desu.” That means “I’m American.” I like the way you say the word “jin” when you’re referring to yourself as an American.

That’s pretty much everything I’ve got to say here. If anybody has any suggestions on what I could say tomorrow, I’d be more than happy to… oh, Couples for Christ? I’ve seen several cars today with bumper stickers for Couples for Christ. If you know anything at all about Couples for Christ, I’d love to hear it. Singles for Christ, they have that too? Interesting, I’ve never… something I’ve never seen before.

So I’m going to sit right here, if you want your book signed, I’d be more than happy to do it, and if you have any advice for me… one thing I’m looking for, I really can’t find a really satisfying postcard. I like postcards with kitsch. I don’t like postcards with the name (unintelligible) before them, “Hong Kong”, written, I don’t like them. I don’t like, you know, what you’d call “tacky” postcards, I don’t like those either. I like postcards to be weird, though, and I like them to be my idea of weird. So if you have any idea where I can get something like that… or where I could go to see a good cockfight in person. The TV was fun, but I thought of seeing it in person, or any idea of something to do. So I’m just going to sit here at the table, and thank you very much for coming.